Blankness in the chaos

Blank

I have never felt so lost in my life.  For the 17 years of my life spent in school, I have had some sort of guidance.  I have never felt so alone because there was always someone to hold my hand, to tell me what to do next.  My class schedules were planned for me ahead of time.  I would apply to certain schools upon completing elementary school, middle school, high school.  I didn’t have to worry about what I would do the next day, week, year.  Until now.

It has struck me that I am still at a loss as to what to do with my career.  It’s not that I do not have options.  I have plenty of options.  That’s exactly the issue.  I have too many options.

My family had asked me when I was younger whether I wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, or another type of professional.  I always said “no” to every option they put forth.  Because truthfully, I did not know.  It still amazes me how some people know so early on what they want to do for the rest of their lives.

Now that I’ve finished college (for a year now), I no longer have school as an excuse to take my time to figure out this situation.  Yes, I have taken the MCAT, but I was never certain the medical education was the route I wanted to pursue.  Really, it was just another excuse to stall time.

What excuse do I have now?  My family and friends tell me to look for a job.  Any job.  But where do I begin?  I would hate to have to quit every job I start because I despise it.  I have done it for quite a few volunteering commitments because I am the type of person that will not put myself through anything further if I know right away I do not enjoy it.

I told my family and friends I want to have a job that I look forward to every day because I enjoy it that much.  They tell me there is no job that is going to be “exciting” and that “work is work.”  Call me naïve, but I refuse to believe it.  I hope I can prove them wrong amidst this blankness in the chaos.